I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
