Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
