Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
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