I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why did my mother make you get naked?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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