I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
