chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
