I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
