He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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