Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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