at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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