We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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