maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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