My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
