He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just want to make out with him forever
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
