god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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