And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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