his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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