i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
