How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So vagazzling was a success
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
