Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
