whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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