dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
