New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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