you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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