he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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