I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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