you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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