he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
