How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
