So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
