Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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