I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
