There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
