Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
