dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
