Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
