he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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