We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
