Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
