I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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