I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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