New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
