we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
