and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
