Do you still have your period?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
