She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
