who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
