If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
