I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him