U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly