I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?