Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with