did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.