Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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