As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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