my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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