WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
