If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
