How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
