I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
