Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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