She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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