is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we're so committed to being not committed
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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