wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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