My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
