I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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