dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
