I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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