Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So many bounce houses so little time
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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