I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
