EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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