i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
