he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize