I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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