And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
