Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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