Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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