Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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