he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
