Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
