he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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