apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
