i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
