Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
