Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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