took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My pussy is not your playground.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
