Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
