He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
