Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The Olympian is in my bed
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
