Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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