Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
