I hate your face
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
