I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
