Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Haym$ered

  (734): View more from Michigan

  turn off your phone and go to bed

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  (248): Haym$ered (734): turn off your phone and go to bed http://tfl.nu/2w37
  Replies (7) Good night (1584) Bad night (549)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.

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  (304): i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me. http://tfl.nu/6um2
  Replies (22) Good night (4190) Bad night (679)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.

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  (717): Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin. http://tfl.nu/gep5
  Replies (13) Good night (4183) Bad night (878)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"

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  (917): I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people" http://tfl.nu/5d9d
  Replies (20) Good night (7712) Bad night (1920)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me

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  (256): dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me http://tfl.nu/p9kn
  Replies (21) Good night (3702) Bad night (1220)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...

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  (774): Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face... http://tfl.nu/rmtg
  Replies (13) Good night (2913) Bad night (1307)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.

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  (512): Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today. http://tfl.nu/tybk
  Replies (10) Good night (1531) Bad night (2005)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.

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  (832): Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test. http://tfl.nu/gs8m
  Replies (3) Good night (625) Bad night (1455)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.

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  (253): You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded. http://tfl.nu/x9oy
  Replies (2) Good night (967) Bad night (514)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.

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  (207): By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms. http://tfl.nu/wdsi
  Replies (5) Good night (590) Bad night (297)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.

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  (+61): I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit. http://tfl.nu/qiro
  Replies (2) Good night (1175) Bad night (284)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.

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  (775): Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car. http://tfl.nu/cx3f
  Replies (9) Good night (697) Bad night (398)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate

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  (610): our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate http://tfl.nu/08mc
  Replies (2) Good night (516) Bad night (305)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.

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  (412): Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts. http://tfl.nu/nvqi
  Replies (3) Good night (432) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.

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  (613): After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot. http://tfl.nu/zug5
  Replies (4) Good night (813) Bad night (254)

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