I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just cropdusted the office
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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